Part 1:

THE DARK VALLEY

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 NLT

I started my trek in the valley of the shadow of death when my husband, John, breathed his last May 3, 2024. Over a year ago, near John Day Oregon.

On the ridge tops the sun was shinning most of the time. When John walked by my side it was brighter. There certainly were gray days, but with John’s presence, his help and his security, the way didn’t seem so hard or so dark or so scary.

The valley of the shadow of death is dark and many terrors lurk there. Fear was my constant companion. Anxiety rode on my back and dread of the future was my guide. But you see, I wasn’t alone in this valley. God was beside me. The Good Shepherd was leading me through the darkness. He wasn’t just with me, but His rod protected me from wild animals and all the other dangers that could pop out of the darkness. Also His staff gave me direction and kept me going the right way. If I could just remember that He won’t leave me. He is with me always. He goes before me, His rod and His staff protect me. I can’t get lost from His presence. He follows me where ever I go. Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. He is Goodness and Mercy, so He follows me, He never leaves me. His presence full of goodness and mercy is with me forever.

Let me tell you a little story. John and I were hunting near Plains Montana one evening. We thought we could run out and hunt for the afternoon and be home soon after dark, since 9 year old Stephen would be riding the bus home from school. We had told him to watch TV and we would be home soon after he was. Little did we know how plans can go awry.

John and I had split up as we worked our way up the side of this ridge, planning on meeting up at the top. I saw some elk and quickly scoped them. One was a rag horn (small) bull. He walked out into the open and I put the cross hair behind his shoulder and squeezed off a shot. Faster then I could reload, the bull whirled and ran back the way he had come.

The hillside exploded with elk running everywhere. They ran towards the top of the ridge and disappeared from sight. Soon the sound of their flight faded away. I ran to the place where the bull had been. Nothing. I tramped around peering at the ground, but found no blood, no tracks, nothing. Just a melee of tracks from the herd.

John soon showed up and asked if I got him. I said he must have run with the rest of the herd which went to the top of the ridge. So we started tracking. The sun soon set and the light was growing dim when we reached the top of the ridge. The path of tracks clearly went down the other side. So we followed.

As we dropped down towards the deep and forested canyon below, it got darker and darker. Soon I could not even see John in front of me. We decided to continue down instead of going back up. We were sure we would hit a road below that would take us back to our rig.

I was afraid of losing my way, of losing John, so I grabbed his coat and hung on. He held his hand out in front of him so he wouldn’t run into a tree. The ridge was steep and the going was hard as we continued down with branches snagging our hats and coats. After what seemed like a long time groping and stumbling in the dark on the steep mountain side, we fought through some brush and came out on a small road, not much more then trail.

We continued down this old, overgrown logging road, knowing it would lead to the main road. We still couldn’t see our hands in front of our faces down in this canyon, but we followed the road. I was somehow in front when my foot went out into nothingness. I back peddled and kept my balance, but I realized there was nothing in front of us. I told John it was a drop off.

We stood there staring a little while and way down below, I could see the lighter shade of a road. But it was a sheer drop and it looked to me as if it was waaay down. John said it wasn’t very far and I should let him lower me down. So with my riffle across my back, I lay on my belly and scooted out over the drop off. He grabbed my hands and laying on his belly he lowered me. He said he would let go of me and I could drop down the rest of the way. I hung there staring below to the ground which looked as if it was way too far to drop to. At least without a broken something.

“No!” I hollered, “I can’t drop its too far. Way too far!”

“No its not too far,” he said, “just a couple of feet for you to drop.”

I clung to his hands like a cat clings to a tree limb. I kept saying I couldn’t let go. John kept assuring me it would be ok. “Just trust me,” he said in his steady voice.

Ok, I decided I could trust my trustworthy husband. After all he wouldn’t want to carry me out of here. So I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer, and let go.

I slid a few feet down the steep bank and my feet hit the road below. I was safe and sound on solid ground. We ended up walking several miles that night to get back to our rig. It was like 10:00 when we got home to Stephen. Even though I was frantic, he was calmly watching TV. He said he got some cereal for supper and was just about to go to bed.

So you see, I wasn’t alone in that headlong plunge to the canyon below. I had a guide. Someone who could lead me around the trees and through the brush. I wasn’t really afraid. Not until I was faced with the deep drop off. My brain screamed DANGER! DANGER! While John’s quiet calm voice said I would be safe if I trusted Him.

This is what God has been telling me for over a year. As I walked down that dark valley of the shadow, and I came face to face with many scary and what I perceived to be dangerous situations, God would say quietly, “Trust Me.” “Trust Me for I am trustworthy. Trust Me for I won’t ever let you go. Trust Me because I am with you always. Trust me because I uphold you in my victorious right hand. Trust Me because I lead you down the best path for your life.”

So, I let go and I let God. I put my life and my journey in His hands. Oh its been a bit rocky at times, and steep and dark, but He’s been there with me. I grabbed on to Him, clinging to His robe so I wouldn’t be lost.

His rod indeed has protected me many times, and His staff has given me direction and help. He is with me. ALWAYS. Its been quite a journey. So many promises along the way have bolstered me, nudging me and helping me just as His staff would.

So I want to write my story for you. I will be telling you about my journey the past year. I want to share how God has been my Good Shepherd leading and carrying me through that dark valley, the darkest valley. That valley of the shadow of death.

Note: Just so you know, that night as I was trying to sleep and remembering what had happened, I saw in my memory, that bull running back the way he had come across the hillside. Not running with the rest of the herd.

I woke John up and cried, “I remembered! He didn’t go with the herd! He back the way they had come, across the hillside.

“Ok,” he said calmly, “we’ll go back up there in the morning and check it out. Just go to sleep for now.”

Sure enough when we went back we found a trail running across the mountainside and not a 100 yards away lay the bull elk. It had been cold that night so the meat was good. Praise God!

“Do not be AFRAID or discouraged, for the Lord will PERSONALLY go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will neigther fail you , nor abandon you. Duet. 31:8 NLT