GLORY

“The whole earth is filled with His glory!”  From Ps. 72:19

            The afternoon was dark and gloomy with low clouds covering the land. The very air seemed heavy with tears and there was not a dot of blue sky or a ray of sunshine to be seen.  My heart was heavy too on this day just two weeks before Christmas.  A Christmas without my son to think of, to buy for or to talk to. 

            As I trudged out for my walk my limbs felt weighted down and I drug my feet through the few inches of snow.  Like the sky, my spirit was gloomy and filled with tears waiting to fall. I could feel the emptiness like the big open prairie around me, a yawning hole in my life. The road ahead seemed steep and rugged like the slopes of the Red hills that I declined to climb this day.

            My grandkids had hung a stocking for their dad and put Christmas decorations on his grave, so I was told by my daughter-in-love.  A stocking that would stay untouched by his hands and decorations that his eyes would not see.  My heart cried.  Tears ran down my cheek.  Tears for what should not have been.  Tears for what we have lost. 

            Praise does not pour from my mouth this afternoon.  Why does the sky have to be so dark?  The clouds so heavy?  Weighing on my soul.  Pressing down on my body.  Pushing to the horizon.  Making it impossible to rejoice.  Where is the joy?

            I know I have decided to choose joy and to rejoice in God through all things, but sometimes, no matter how I try the joy is not there.  Like the clouds covering the sun, dark sadness, gloomy grief and deep sorrow overwhelm any glimmer of joy in my heart. 

            I keep trudging, step by laborious step along the trail.  And I think, this is how it is in life when things get tough. We just keep going, step by step, day by day.  When the going gets tough, the tough keep going.  Right?  But yet I don’t want it to be just a trudge, a labored uphill grind all the way. I don’t want to just get through with my head down, shoulders bowed, back bent.  I would like to soar on the wings of an eagle. A life full of victory is my desire. 

            Yet sometimes the trail heads up those steep, slippery slopes and climb I must.  The down slopes will come and the summits are reached eventually, but the uphill seems to never end. 

            This dark, gloomy day; this cold December day in the midst of the Holy-season when my heart should be singing praises to the King of Kings and my feet dancing for joy; this overcast day that seems to anchor my feet to the ground and lodge songs in my throat; this day seems so very empty of joy.  Some days are like that.  Get through them and go on, is my motto.  Just like my feet, one step at a time, trudging down the path, with my eyes only on the ground. 

            “Look up!”

            “What?”  The voice out of the gloom startles me.

            “Lift up your eyes,” says the voice in my mind. “You will look and be radiant.  Your heart will throb and swell with joy!” (Is. 60:3)

            I raise my eyes and gasp.  The scene before me is so amazing it’s hard to describe. 

The sun has set but gray clouds that hang to the horizon in all directions are covering the sunset colors. All the land is shadowy and dim, with a flat light that does not reflect off the snow, but is gray like twilight. 

            Yet the light has come!  Square Butte to the east is blazing pink. 

            Shining in the light of His glory!  All the higher peaks in the distant badlands are glowing pink.  Sentinel Butte is shaded with pink and gold. 

            Amazing glory in the darkness.  Light shinning forth where there is no light!  The sky is still covered with heavy clouds, the land dark, yet somehow the Light bursts through.

            He wraps Himself in light as with a garment.  He stretches out the heavens like a tent and lays the beams of His upper, glorious home on the peaks.  (from Ps. 104:2,3)

            God’s glory shinning forth in the darkness.  His glory and light can not be hidden.  His beauty will not be covered with clouds.  His joy is not smothered by grief and sorrow.  Covered maybe, but his light bursts forth! Touching the peaks with color and light.  Filling my heart with love and joy.

            Where there is darkness, His light shines.  Even when things are bleak, He is working for good.  Even when there seems to be absolutely no good, His glory shines forth!  He works all things for good for those who love Him.  Even in the darkest hour His will is done. When the going gets tough, God gets going.  He will do it!

            I raise my hands and sing, “I see You high and lifted up.  Shining in the light of Your glory.  Pour out Your power and love as I sing, Holy, Holy, Holy.”   

            “Rise and shine!  Your light has come!   The glory of the Lord rises upon you!  See darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples.  But the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you.”  Is. 60:1-2

COMFORT

“Shout for joy O heavens, rejoice, O earth, burst into song, O mountains!  For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on His afflicted ones.” Is. 49:13

            Okay I can’t leave it there.  To be totally honest, I have to say after the light faded and the colors were gone, the tears fell. You can have tears and joy at the same time.  The joy of the Lord filled my heart but I still missed my son.  The sobs came as they did in the beginning of this ordeal but haven’t for awhile. My legs felt weak, my chest squeezed, my head was dizzy.

            Then I felt a presence with me so real and so comforting my sobs immediately quit.  Peace flooded my heart and I could breathe again. The grief was still there, the tears still fell but the terrible ache, and the wrenching pain was eased. Made bearable.  I find it hard to explain. It was as if arms went around me and held me tight.

            In my mind, I saw my son and I felt his essence.  Everything about him was brought back to my mind, how he looked, his smile, the light in his eyes, his voice.  I could almost smell him.  I’m not saying he was there, yet maybe he was, but I feel God brought him to my mind so vividly, so real that I would know he is close.  Out of sight, out of this realm, but not far away.

            “I, even I am He who comforts you.” Is. 51:12  I have no doubt the Holy Spirit comforted me in a way He knew would bring immediate relief from my pain.  He covers me with the shadow of His hand. His light rises in the darkness, my night will be turned to day.  He guides me and He satisfies my needs.  All of them even my need to see and feel my son.  He strengthens my body and I will grow like a watered garden where His love will never fail, never end, never go away.

            He is the Repairer of my broken heart and the Restorer of my life. If I turn to Him; if I trust in Him; if I honor Him with my service; if I love Him, I will find joy in my Lord. and He will cause me to ride on the heights of the land where there is Light.  (From Is. 58:10-14)

            “To comfort those who mourn and provide for those who grieve, to bestow on them a crown of beauty, instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” (Is. 51:3)

Read Is. 60 and 58

Stephen in June and Nov. 2010