This continues on my theme of being in a battle with God at my side.  I am taking you back to the first months after my son went to Heaven to many of the struggles I fought through and the victories won.

IN THE TRENCHES, UNDER HIS WINGS

 “I stay in the shelter of His wings and I rejoice!  My soul clings to You and You hold me tight.” Ps. 63:7-8

         The battle rages all around and many fall at my side.  So it seems in my grief.  I struggle with questions, with fears, with doubts.  My arms are empty, my heart is shattered, my life is turned upside down.  Heaviness weighs on my soul, darkness engulfs my life.

            “Oh Lord, there are times in the heat of battle when I can only fall to my knees and sob, when I hunker down in the trenches and hide under Your wings.  How priceless is your unfailing love, O my God. Therefore, I put my trust under the shadow of your wings.

            In Your shadow, under Your wings, in Your hand I can rejoice.  Because You are my help, I can rejoice even in the pain.  Because Your love is precious and never ending, I can trust You always.”

            In the shelter of His wings, even in the midst of trial and grief I can be abundantly satisfied.  Not just satisfied and content but satisfied with the fullness of His house.

            Satisfied with all of His love, and all of His power and all of His glory.  This is HUGE!

            I can drink from the river of His pleasures.  The river that flows from the throne of God full of all the blessings from God, full of joy, full of  His unending love, full of peace, full of His pleasures.  What are the things that God likes?  He loves His children and all mankind. I’d say he loves His creation, nature, animals, beauty, light, color.  He delights in our praises and our devotion.  I think he likes songs and music and harmony and peace. 

            When I find refuge under the shelter of His wings, I can drink from this river of His delights.  When I lean on Him, turn to Him in my darkest hours, trust Him totally, I can feast on the abundance of His house.  The fullness of His riches, beyond what I can even fathom flowing from His throne to my heart.  Unbelievable!

            Then even in the deep inky blackness of the night, even in my deepest sorrow, even in the darkest despair, I can see light.  I can sing a song.  I can praise Him.  I can rejoice.

            God is light.  His light touches the deepest shadow.  Not only touches it but floods it like a flood light coming on in a deep dark cave.  Suddenly all is illuminated and the fear, the heaviness is chased away.

            That is how I can rejoice even when I have great sorrow, even when my heart is breaking, even when there is a hole in my life where my son once was. With God is the fountain of life! 

            Death of a believer is not death to God.  It’s life.  Life springing to the fullness of what it was meant to be from the beginning of creation.  Life joined in perfect union with our Father, All Mighty God, Ruler of the universe, and our Savior and lover of our souls, Jesus, for ever and ever.

            Trusting God completely, allowing Him to control my life.  Accepting all He brings my way.  Walking and living in His love and His presence.  Standing on legs that would fail, praising through the tears, reaching for His hand, waiting for the song, this is fullness of life. Life in Christ.  Life everlasting.  Joy unspeakable, peace beyond understanding, love incomprehensible.

            God is life.  God is light.  In Him, under His wings, in His shelter, leaning on Him, in His light I see light.  I can rejoice.

From Ps. 36:5-9

BATTLE SONG

“The Lord your God is with you.  He is mighty to save!  He will take great delight in you.  He will quiet you with His love.  He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zeph. 3:17

            I love this!  To think the Might One, the ruler of the universe rejoices because of me! He sings a song when I am in battle. He is in my midst and He will save!  Not only does He save, He quiets me with His love. He is my battle song.   

            Many times when the pain rises up inside and my chest is constricted to the point I can’t breathe and my legs become so weak I stumble and my arms hang down because I am weak, all I can do is whisper, “Thank you Jesus”. Over and over.

            As I say these words and utter the name of my Savior, calm floods my racing heart and the constriction in my chest eases so I can once again take a breath.  The pain lifts a bit and my arms and legs no longer feel like wet noodles.

            God’s love permeates my being covering like a cloak. His love, soothing, surrounding, holding, and quieting my soul.

            He comforts with love. He quiets with his peace and He strengthens with His great power.  He gives me what I need to go on, to fight the battle, to win the skirmish. He makes a road way in the badlands that seem impassable. When it seems I can not go on; can not stand the fear and doubt, can not face the future; can not take the next step, He makes a way. He makes it bearable. He causes peace in my mind.  Decisions that need to be made, roads that need to be traveled, mountains that must be climbed, He leads the way and holds me up by His hand.

            He makes rivers in the desert and I find food on desolate heights where there seems to be none. He gives me what I need to take each step and cry each tear.  Not only sustenance, what I need, but much more beyond what I can imagine. Blessing flowing. Joy unspeakable. 

            Grandkids coming for the summer and filling my days with gladness.  God has claimed my grandchildren for His own.  They are His, born of the Savior, washed in the blood.  He will keep them in His hands and not let them go.  He will bring them some day to Glory to be forever with their Savior, their father and with me.

            He opens the doors and breaks into pieces the gates of bronze.  He goes before me and makes crooked places straight.  Unfamiliar ground this past summer and barriers with family reunions, travel and grandkids coming to spend time with us for the first time ever without their dad along.  God went before us and straightened out the curves.  He made it all easy and fun, and we’re looking forward to next summer.

            He gives treasures in the darkness and hidden riches in secret places; two precious grandkids to love and teach, horses for them and us to enjoy, fun and fellowship with our families, a renewed relationship with our adopted son, a growing relationship with a wonderful daughter-in-law, staggering support from friends and family.

            He levels my mountains, removes barriers, gives sustenance, and makes a way where there seems no way.  He is polishing me and has hidden me in His quiver to be used by Him.  He will take me out and send me to the mark and in me He will display His splendor.    

            Oh the thought!  He formed me to be His servant and I will display His glory.  Wow! How can that be?  That weak-kneed, limp-armed, stumbling, blundering, fainting me can reflect the glory of the King of Kings?

            Only because God is my strength and my enabler and His polishing stone does it’s work. “It is indeed no small thing to be Your servant, Father God!”

            “ARISE AND SHINE!” He tells me, “For your light has come!  No more will you be in deep darkness and sorrow for My glory has risen upon you, my child.  I turn your darkness into light.  Beholed the old things have passed away and new things I bring to you.  They will spring forth in your life.  I will lead you, although you are blind, in ways you do not know.  I will take you down trails you can not imagine.  I will enlighten the darkness before you, and crooked places I will make straight.  Behold I will do it!

            Fear not, Wendy, for you are mine. I call you by name. I know you inside and out. I have your imprint on my hand from holding you so tight. I will never let you go..

            When you pass through the waters, I shall be with you and through the rivers they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flames touch you.  For I am the Lord Your God!

            Since you are precious, my child. in My eyes, you have been honored.  I love you with an unending, unimaginable love! I will fill your life with people and with blessings.  Fear not for I am always with you!”  (from Is. 42:16,  43:2-5)

            How can I add or take away from that promise?

            In the midst of the raging battle the Mighty One is always right with me.  He has my back. He is beside me so I can lean on Him.  He covers me with His wings.  He upholds me with His right hand.  He quiets me with His love and He rejoices over me with singing.  The Almighty God of the universe sings for me.  And he sings for you.

 “I the Lord have called you in righteousness.  I will take hold of your hand  and I will keep you.” Is. 42:6

From   Is 45:2-13 Is. 49:2-11