Running

“Why, God, do I feel so down?”

Cast down is how the NKJ puts it, or downcast as the NIV says. These all describe how I’m feeling this morning. Disturbed inside, anxious and a bit worried.

Yes worried. Fretting. What-if’s fill my mind and I am striving to get everything done. Household chores, mowing, yard work; I must get it all done before I leave for Billings to pick up the kids. Yet it rains, grass is too wet for mowing or trimming. I’m out of gas. I feel run down from a cold. Frustrations.

Where is my peace? What about those seeds of hope I planted? Where are the blooms of joy?

Seeds are planted but it takes the heat of the sun, moisture, the nutrients of the soil and time for them to germinate and grow. My thanksgiving planted the seeds of hope. Praise and continued thanks gives heat. Pouring my heart out to God, telling Him my troubles and my tears brings the water. Focusing on God’s presence, basking in His light, reading His words provides nutrition.

Sometimes it takes time for the seeds to germinate. If my heart is heavy and sad, if I’ve had a loss and am grieving, I need to wait.

“Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” Ps. 37:7

Rest, lean, depend. The amplified says “Be still and rest in the Lord. Wait for Him and patiently, lean yourself upon Him.” I love that! Lean yourself, your whole self, all your problems, all your anxieties, all your hurts, all your joys everything, completely upon Him.

Before that is says, “Commit your way to the Lord. (roll and repose each care of your load on Him) Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in Him and He will bring it to pass.” v. 5 Oh this is good. Repose, “The act of resting or the state of being at rest. To lay, place, as the king reposes all his confidence in the prime minister”.

Do you see the picture? Jesus standing tall and strong, with arms wide open, saying, “Come to Me when you are weary and have a heavy load. Lay each care on Me, be confident that I can handle it. Lean yourself totally on Me, I will give you rest.”

All I have to do is lean on Him. Take my heavy load, my sack of worry, my pack of anxiety, my bucket of tears and place them at His feet. Then leaning heavily against His side, I look into His glorious, loving face.

He will take care of it. Whatever needs to be done, He’ll do it.

That’s what I have not been doing. I tried to give thanks, I praised Him, but the peace did not come. I’m trying to figure it out myself, instead of giving it to God. Instead of focusing on my God, I’m focusing on what needs to be done, on what could go wrong and on what might happen in the future. I’m trying to do it all and get everything in order. Have all my ducks in a line, you might say. And all the cute little ducklings are running all over the place, just having the time of their lives. But not doing what I think they should be doing.

“Let it be.” Comes a whisper in my soul.

“Hope in God!

“For I shall yet praise Him.” Ps. 42:11

Somewhere, sometime, the seeds of hope will germinate. I will feel the thanksgiving, see the blooms of joy. It takes time to germinate.

In the mean time, I need to lean on Jesus, to pour my heart out to Him. I run to His side. I give Him all my worries. I trust (lean on, rely on, be confident) in the Lord.

I hope, I trust in my God. And I praise Him.

I see now the rain is God’s way of stopping me. Of giving me the opportunity to rest, to read, to refuel. The cold has even slowed me down. See, when I’m hurting I have a tendency of running, keeping busy to keep my mind off my heart pain.

Today God said, “Just let it be. Be still. Recognize who I am. For I am your refuge, your High Tower, your Stronghold. Come to Me.”

The mowing does not have to be done, the laundry will be there next week, everything will work out, it always does, the problems I foresee in the future probably won’t actually be there. It’s a choice I have every minute of every day. Do I stand straining, and struggling under the heavy load? Or do I drop it at the feet of Jesus?

I run to my High Tower. A place where I can lean heavily against my Savior’s side and let be. And find rest.

“Let be and be still. Know (recognize understand) I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth.
The Lord of hosts is with us the God of Jacob is our refuge (our High Tower and Stronghold.)” Ps. 46:10-11 amp

High Tower

Refuge