At first when this experience happened, I thought it was only for my benefit and only between God and me.  However as time has gone by and I’ve prayed about it, I felt that I needed to share it with others, even though I am a bit nervous to do so.  I hope you don’t think I’m off my rocker or gone over the edge.  If you know me, you’ll know I am not given to seeing things that are not there or always looking for the supernatural.  I am very practical and down to earth. We are all “down to earth”, because we live and are bound to this earth.  Now I see that what is beyond is indeed Super natural because it is more natural, more real, more vibrant than what we see and hear every day.  What we have here on earth is temporary, a vapor lasting only for a moment.  The beyond, the “afterlife” for a believer is real living, the Beginning of Life.

 LOOKING BEYOND

“Jesus took Peter, John and James and went up to the mountain top to pray.  As He prayed the appearance of His face was altered and His robe became white and glistening.  He clothes became shinning, exceedingly white as snow, such as no launderer on earth can make them.  And behold two men talked with Him, who were Moses and Elijah who appeared also in glory.”  From Luke 9:28-31 and Mark 9:3

            I am sitting on a mountain top, actually a North Dakota mountain, which is really a hill.  My dogs are with me, Doti and Happy, sitting and laying beside me.  I am praising God and singing, which is a regular thing I do on my hill tops. 

            It’s a chilly fall day, with a stiff breeze blowing in my face and a thin cloud cover over the sun.  As I am singing, I suddenly feel the warm presence of the Holy Spirit.  Now I know the Spirit is always with me and I often do feel His presence, but this is different. His presence is vibrant and real, all around me and in me. I am, no doubt, face to face with the Holy God, the Mighty One of all creation.        

            Warmth engulfs me, a warm glow sinking into the very core of my being and warming my bones.  Behind my closed eyes, a golden light shines brighter and brighter.  The warmth comes from the Light, which surrounds me and is in me.  In that Light is such peace and joy I feel no fear, only joy and wonder.  I can barely breathe. I am in awe.

            Then I feel another presence, someone I know instantly.  He seems to be far off and coming closer. 

            In my mind, I hear a voice, “Mom!”

            “Stephen?”  I whisper.

            “Mom!”  He seems to be coming nearer.

            “Stephen!” I cry as I stretch out my hand. 

            “Mom!” The unmistakable voice fills my head in that breathless way he had when greeting me.

            “Stephen, I love you!” I cry and it feels as if my son is standing beside me, as if maybe I can touch his hand.

            I don’t see anything with my eyes.  These impressions and feelings come at me like mist rising from my son to cover and engulf me. It’s as if I’m seeing and hearing with my senses, not physical senses but spiritual senses.  Some of the thoughts and impressions later manifested themselves as pictures in my mind.

            An image of Stephen’s face comes into my mind, flashing there like a memory.  He is smiling, and love shines from his eyes with great gentleness.  Emanating from his presence, is joy unspeakable.  Joy beyond measure.  Joy in spite of all things. Joy unending.  And peace flowing like a river.  Calming peace.  Restful peace.  Peace that speaks of quiet green pastures and still waters.          

            “It’s okay,” I say to my son, and I have no idea why I am saying these words since I have had no thoughts concerning this, “It’s okay.  I’m not angry at all.  I totally forgive you.  There is nothing to forgive.  I never have been angry with you.  I love you very much.  I will never stop loving you.  I want you to love, to laugh, to live in Heaven completely free. I’ll be with you soon. I love you always.” I pause and there is silence filled only with unexplainable peace and joy, as the brilliance glimmers brightly behind my closed eyes.

            At this point, I become aware that the dogs are standing and looking behind me.  Both of them are looking around intently as if searching for something.

            When I close my eyes, I see the bright glow once again and feel Stephen’s presence.  I sense something from him, which at the time I took as concern for me. 

            “I’m okay”,  I’m not sure if I said the words out loud or in my mind, “I’ll be okay.  Jesus is with me.  He’s always with me and I’ll be fine. I know you’re there waiting for me and I’ll see you soon.”

            I am still holding out my arm, my fist closed as if gripping something.  I feel, now that my son is moving slowing away.  At the same time, I feel other beings surrounding me.  I can feel joy, peace, and love radiating off them, but I’m not sure if they are angels or other loved ones in Glory.

            Suddenly Happy barks, sharp and insistent, as he does when he sees a stranger.  Then he growls.  My eyes fly open and I see Happy standing, looking the way I’m facing, hair on his back raised.  Doti is standing very close leaning against me the hair on her back is also standing up.  Happy keeps up his barking and growling for several minutes and my heart pounds as I realize he senses something too.  It wasn’t just my imagination.  They were there. Jesus and my son were right next to me and I was surrounded by a host of either angels or saints.

            I close my eyes again but they are gone.  The brightness has faded, the breeze feels chilly.  Only a feeling of peace and joy remain and I am aware that tears are running down my face. I come back to reality slowly and look around at the golden grasses, the late summer wild flowers, the red rocks on the hills and everything looks dark and rather gloomy.  When I stand, I realize I’m stiff and cold.  Looking at my watch, I see it’s been 45 minutes.  I can’t believe it’s been that long!  It seems like only a few moments. 

            What a gift!  I walk back to the house on a cloud of joy.  I talked to my son!  I know that he is not far away. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is with Jesus.  He’s happy and full of joy, enjoying peace beyond my understanding.

            As I said in my last article, I was able to find joy and peace in God’s presence, however my mind would often revisit the darkness surrounding my son’s death.  I would find myself trying to figure out what happened that last night Stephen was on earth. Day or night the thoughts would sneak in robbing me of my peace and threatening the joy I had found in God. In praying and praising, I would find relief for awhile, but I could not find constant deliverance from the questions and turmoil in my mind.

            However, after this experience the darkness and despair of Stephen’s death has lifted.  No longer do I have turmoil and dread as I experienced the months before.  Now I feel content and have peace.  Life will be good.  God is in control.

            Oh, I still miss my son and sometimes I feel incredibly sad, but I have been in the Light.  I have experienced the river of peace and joy that flows from the throne of God.  I have felt the warmth and have basked in His comfort.  I had a glimpse of what is real and true and what is to come and my heart leaps for joy.

            As I contemplated my experience on the mountain top, I realized there was more to it than just God giving me comfort by allowing me to sense my son as he is now in Glory.  That in itself is a big thing.  A wonderful thing.  A miracle.  However, as I thought on, prayed about the encounter, and assimilated not just the feelings but also the thoughts and impressions I felt as if there was a message that God wanted me to have.  The more I thought about that message, the more I realized it isn’t just for me, but for others who knew him and loved him. And maybe for anyone who would want to hear.

            Besides the joy and peace beyond understanding that I felt emanating from Stephen, I sensed a confidence and strength I had never before known in him.  Stephen has always been strong but this wasn’t just physical strength. This confidence was not in himself as I at first thought, but confidence in his Lord.  Utter confidence in God’s love for him, a love that would never end nor never leave him.  Believing completely that the Almighty God of the universe would take care of everything, that all things work out for good, that Yah, the Lord God, Creator, Deliverer, Lover of our souls is indeed in control.

            In this, in God the Father is Stephen’s confidence and in no other.  In this complete trust is his strength.

            “In quietness and trust is your strength.”  Is. 30:15   This strength radiated from Stephen like the sun’s warm rays.

            What I thought was a concern for my well being, was more likely a concern that I get the message.  How silly for me to think I had to tell him I would be okay.  He knows it far better than I do.      

            What I think he was saying is this, “You will be all right, Mom.  It will be okay with you and John, with Maci, Jacob, Julie and all those I love.  Our Father is holding you in His hands.  Nothing can take you out of His hands.  Nothing can come to you that does not go through His hands. Only trust Him.  No matter how horrible things seem, no matter what happens, just trust Him.  He will take care of all things.  It will all work out for good in the end.  Trust Him.”

            I think too that Stephen wanted us to know what happened to him is okay.  God was in control of that too. What happened that night went through His hands.  It doesn’t matter what happened or how it happened or why, it only matters that God allowed it to happen for a reason known only to Him.  A good reason, a reason for His Glory and for our good. 

            Don’t fret about why it happened and don’t waste energy on thinking how we could have made it different. Instead we need to accept things the way they are as we praise God for His way in the midst of this and all circumstances. 

            Stephen’s days were written in God’s book the way He ordained them. Nothing happened that the Almighty did not allow.  He is working all things for our good.  That is all that matters.

            “Look at me now,” I believe Stephen was saying, “I have complete peace, no more turmoil, no more struggles, no more pain.  I am content, filled with absolute joy and surrounded by total love. Think of me this way.” 

            And he is waiting for us to join him some glorious day. Oh what a day that will be!  I don’t know why God allowed Stephen to visit me that day, but I do know God wanted to comfort me and you in a real and miraculous way. 

            My son is near by. There is a song that says, “Keep looking beyond, they’re only gone from our sight”.  Our loved ones in Glory are not far off.  We are all united, we are one with Jesus, one with the Father, one with each other.  God’s Spirit, like a rope binding us all together, is in each one of His children and unites us all with a bond that will never be broken.  Now and forever and ever!    

            Oh the taste of Glory that I had!  What an indescribable gift!  It’s there, right there close enough to touch.  God’s glory.  His loving Presence.  Peace and joy is in His Presence.  All I have to do is reach out and touch Him, seek His presence, praise His name, and my God is there. 

            Since that time I have indeed had, for the most part, peace. The turmoil in my mind is gone.  The questions lie unanswered and will stay there. Instead of seeking answers, I seek my God. In rest and trust is my strength.  He is my confidence. 

            Though the mountains shake and fall into the sea, though the earth tremble, though my life breaks apart, He, my God, is a VERY present help in all trouble. He is my refuge and strength. He is with me always.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  He is my joy. He is my Deliverer.  He is my Light.  He is my God.  Only trust Him. 

 “And the Glory You (Father) gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one.  I in them, and You in Me that they may be made perfect in one.” John 17:22, 23

Read John 17:20-26 Ps. 64:1-3